Cant sleep

I lock myself in the room most of the time
and at this time they'll slept so i came out from the room for some fresh air
wtf

boring until i can die

sleep until i really dont know how to sleep anymore

since im awake, just something i would like to spill it out!

Im always not satisfy on how my parents treated me, in my mind ive my good results to have my freedom in return and also to cover my passed! but it doesnt seems to work on me. Therefore, ill alwis do things that i think i deserve it so i do it without thinking the consequences and in the end, something really bad happen on me.

i text-ed my sis regarding yesterday night
we had a lil conversation (i mean sms)

"why wanna violate ur freedom when you know the consequences?"........

"you study for your own future!
why dont you try to see things the other way round? car you want, give. laptop you wan mum dont say a word,give. Money, if you ask she doesnt give, i also will give. gym you want, give. you want to go out, we lie, we hide, we also help. what else do you think we have not done enough? you dont know what you're worth until you lose it?" .........

i think i should try to think from their point of view, maybe i only get my freedom later? but you cant blame me for doing such thing cause all my frens its like party king or queen.
you also dont wanna feel left out right? you also wanna kepo everything right?
the feeling really suck you know!

summore who dont like to hang out with frens? chill around and etc. haih.

so study hard for now and dont party?
sometimes i think, not like i really cannot go out lah! its just a lil lesser or hmph maybe alot compare to you guys! but club definitely its a NO NO. and each and everytime i go out, i have my curfew too! ;(

the very protective parents i have, i still love them no matter what/how.

aiyaaa, im always a problem child in the family
dont mention my passed, its really bad till i dont know how to say!

*gulp ;(

random;

Kid, this is the last picture that Ive taken with you
it was Friday, December 07

-___-

lets do some catch up again
we're so NEAR yet so far ;(

oh ya, monica darling! will send you the pics soon ;)